A series of three studies recently found that expressing and perceiving gratitude in romantic relationships is linked to higher daily sexual satisfaction. The research, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, provides evidence that gratitude might be especially beneficial for individuals with anxious attachment styles.
Attachment styles are patterns of emotional responses formed early in life, which influence how we engage in close relationships. There are two primary styles: attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance. Individuals with attachment anxiety often seek reassurance and closeness in their relationships, while those with attachment avoidance tend to be uncomfortable with intimacy and desire independence.
Previous studies had already linked expressions of gratitude to various relationship outcomes, such as overall relationship satisfaction and commitment. These findings indicated that when one partner perceives the other as responsive and appreciative, it can strengthen the emotional bond between them.
However, despite these insights, no prior research had explored whether the daily practice of gratitude, both expressed and perceived, could be connected to a couple’s sexual satisfaction and how insecure attachment might influence this connection.
“Because sexuality is typically intimate, people more avoidantly attached (fear of intimacy and closeness) and anxiously attached (persistent worry and fear of rejection, built out of an excessive desire for intimacy) tend to have a harder time with their sex lives,” said study author Nathan D. Leonhardt, an assistant professor of family life at Brigham Young University.
“We thought that gratitude between partners might help with intimacy in the sexual relationship because it might encourage those more avoidantly attached to be relationally minded, and those more anxiously attached to recognize their worth in the relationship.”
The researchers conducted three separate studies involving 340 romantic couples to explore the connection between gratitude and sexual satisfaction. In each study, participants were asked to provide daily diary entries, offering a glimpse into their experiences over time. These diaries included assessments of gratitude within the relationship and daily levels of sexual satisfaction.
Leonhardt and his colleagues found that both partner-expressed gratitude (when one partner expresses gratitude to the other) and perceived partner gratitude (when one partner perceives their partner as grateful) were associated with higher levels of daily sexual satisfaction. In simple terms, when couples expressed or felt gratitude, their sexual satisfaction tended to be higher.
It wasn’t just sexual satisfaction that received a boost. Gratitude was also strongly linked to overall relationship satisfaction. In some cases, the connection between gratitude and sexual satisfaction seemed to be a part of the broader positive dynamic in the relationship.
In Study 1, individuals with higher attachment anxiety reported experiencing higher daily sexual satisfaction when their partner expressed more gratitude or when they perceived more gratitude from their partner. However, this effect was not consistently replicated in Study 2. The connection between attachment anxiety and gratitude seemed to be complex and context-dependent.
In Study 3, on days when anxiously attached individuals perceived that their partner expressed higher levels of gratitude than they typically did, they were buffered from experiencing lower levels of sexual satisfaction. This suggests that for individuals with attachment anxiety, perceiving their partner as more grateful than usual can have a protective effect on their sexual satisfaction.
“Good news! When those more anxiously attached feel appreciated by their partner, their anxious attachment is less likely to be connected with lower sexual satisfaction,” Leonhardt told PsyPost. “Gratitude may help them to recognize their worth, perhaps lowering their fear of rejection and worry surrounding sexual intimacy.”
However, attachment avoidance did not show the same positive relationship with gratitude. The researchers had hypothesized that gratitude might buffer the negative link between attachment avoidance and sexual satisfaction, but the results did not support this hypothesis. It appeared that gratitude expressions might not have the same positive impact on sexual satisfaction for avoidantly attached individuals.
“Sadly, gratitude was not effective for helping those more avoidantly attached with their sexual satisfaction,” Leonhardt said. “This might be because those who are more avoidantly attached are dismissing their partner’s gratitude because they view the bid for connection as a threat to their autonomy.”
“We were surprised gratitude was not particularly effective for helping those more avoidantly attached. There might be specific conditions when gratitude is helpful, but more research is needed to identify those.”
As with any scientific study, there were limitations to consider. The researchers pointed out that the first two studies used an individual difference measure to assess partner gratitude, which might not fully capture daily fluctuations. Study 3, which used daily reports, provided more detailed insights. However, future research with larger samples and more nuanced measures of gratitude expression is needed.
“We only found that gratitude helped those more anxiously attached with sexual satisfaction in two of our three samples,” Leonhardt noted. “More work needs to be done to understand why the finding was less consistent than we hoped.”
“One concern with those more anxiously attached is that they don’t always believe in the sincerity of the partner’s gratitude expression. Perhaps future work can identify gratitude as a more effective intervention point if the more anxiously attached partner is convinced that their partner’s gratitude expression is sincere.”
The findings of this research have significant implications for individuals and professionals working with couples. It highlights the importance of expressing gratitude within relationships, not only for overall satisfaction but also for sexual satisfaction. Couples may benefit from fostering a culture of appreciation and acknowledgment.
“Both avoidant and anxious attachment come with their own flavor of pain surrounding intimacy,” Leonhardt told PsyPost. “This is often apparent with the typical intimacy of sexual relationships. Gratitude is one tool seemingly more specific to anxious attachment for the sexual relationship, but it’s important to remember that there are broader principles.”
“Research broadly suggests that partners who are more consistently accessible, responsive, and engaged with each other tend to help each become more securely attached and relationally healthy. Hopefully couples can keep those broader principles in mind while we continue to research more specific tools for applying those principles.”
The study, “Gratitude and sexual satisfaction: Benefits of gratitude for couples and insecure attachment“, was authored by Nathan D. Leonhardt, Michael A. Drobenko, Stephanie Raposo, Amy Muise, Natalie M. Sisson, and Emily A. Impett.
