After about an hour of “driving” a snowplow, I was done. I’d plowed in daylight and night, and during a steady snow, in traffic on city streets, an interstate and a state highway. I was ready for Miller time.
In reality, I hadn’t cleared a single flake of the nasty frozen stuff. And my driving was a far cry from watching the experts at a recent DOT plow driving competition.
Wednesday was back to school for me, specifically snowplow driving school at the wheel of a simulator at state Department of Transportation’s new Bordentown training center. Nine months after it opened, it still has that new paint smell.
Pity the homeowners of Virtual Township, N.J., where Higgs the horrible mauled a few lawns, after mistaking snow-covered landscaping for the road. In my defense, it all looks like a white blanket when there are no street signs or hydrants to aim for.
This is one of the reasons NJDOT bought two of the high-tech simulators in 2022, said Steve Schapiro, a DOT spokesperson who was on hand for my antics.
“They give students the feel for driving in a variety of road conditions (weather, bridges, ramps, curves, turns) without potential safety hazards or damage,” Schapiro said. “Using the simulator reduces the wear and tear on the real trucks that are used for training. It also reduces the need for repairs from possible damage during training.”
Consider this a gamer’s dream, if the game is Grand Theft Snowplow. There are no wimpy computer controls here. The simulator is the same as the cab of a full sized plow, with wrap around screens in place of the windshield and side windows. The instructor is the master of your domain and can change conditions in a heartbeat, adding falling snow, a blizzard, change day to night or simulate a tire blow out or other mechanical mishap.
I followed the process other DOT trainees did, under the guidance of Mike Graham, operations, training and quality reassurance supervisor, who said he’s trained some 600 people seeking the commercial driver’s license need to drive trucks. The man has the patience of a saint.
What I “drove” was a simulated DOT dump truck with a front plow, a wing plow on the side, a bottom scraper, and a spreader, similar to the big green and silver plow in the center’s parking lot. I had a bit of an advantage, having driven a big school bus many years ago.
Hit a curb or obstacle and the simulator shakes, go too fast and it slides. A bad crash shatters the windshield. No windshields were shattered on my watch, but a street sign in a virtual neighborhood met its demise at my hands.
Can you hear the terrified screaming of garden gnomes upon my approach??
My plow odyssey started in a snow-covered airport parking lot. I can handle that, but where is the road? in front of me was a blanket with two street signs in the distance as a clue. Where’s the road is a question I must have repeated to Graham a hundred times during my hour-long session.
Next target was an interstate expressway, since my scorecard on a straight traffic-less road was one lane “cleared” and nothing demolished. Two highway signs helped me find where the ramp was, I got on the highway and started happily plowing a very inefficient wandering one-vehicle wide path.
The virtual drivers must have thought a drunk went from happy hour to highway and I imagined then giving me a one-digit Jersey salute. An instructor suggested I get closer to the concrete Jersey barrier. Pause for minor terror attack.
Fortunately, my school bus experience came back like riding a bike, I navigated using the rearview mirrors, as taught in the days of driving Big Yellow, to creep closer to the Jersey barrier until I spotted the yellow line next to it without kissing the barrier.
Now it was time to start working. Graham told me to start using the wing plow on the right side of the truck to clear a wider path. That’s the job, right? Experienced plow operators can do that while rolling. As a student, I cautiously stopped, dropped (the wing plow) and rolled on.
When I say rolled on, crawled on like someone’s grandpa is more accurate. The fastest I went was 20 mph, most of the time I was in the 13 to 15 mph range. Despite the added girth of the wing plow, I didn’t waffle any guardrails.
Now the fun started. Instructors like Graham can introduce any weather, road condition or vehicle malfunction on the simulator and he did. Parked cars? I missed them. Bad drivers? I avoided the SUV that ran a traffic light. Cars and buses stuck in the snow? I had several to avoid. Crashes? There’s one up ahead.
A wildcard was an air pressure warning light on the dashboard that blinked and chimed as I did my best imitation of Luke Skywalker onboard the Millennium Falcon asking “what’s that flashing?” My bus experience kicked in and I popped the plow in neutral, gunned the motor until the air pressure built up and it was out of the red zone.
My accomplishments? No cars were hit, I missed the buildings, a deer and an ambulance. Does that mean I’m ready to hit the streets ifsnow falls on Monday into Tuesday?
Despite no epic fails, an instructor pointed out one major mistake I made through the entire “trip.”
“You forgot to put on your seat belt.”
Back to school.
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Larry Higgs may be reached at lhiggs@njadvancemedia.com. Follow him on X @CommutingLarry
