The decision to share our triumphs and tribulations with others appears to be a reflection of deeper psychological orientations. A recent study published in the journal Personal Relationships indicates that our level of attachment avoidance plays a pivotal role in our willingness to share personal experiences.
The new research sheds light on the selective sharing strategies individuals employ, especially in the context of relationship dynamics, offering insights into the mechanisms that facilitate or hinder the development of intimacy and trust within our closest connections.
Attachment theory suggests that the way we connect and relate to others is rooted in early experiences with caregivers, which then manifest in two primary dimensions: attachment avoidance and attachment anxiety. Attachment avoidance is characterized by a hesitance towards closeness, emotional distancing, and a strong emphasis on independence.
In contrast, attachment anxiety involves a fear of abandonment and an excessive reliance on others for emotional support. These dimensions give rise to various attachment styles—avoidant, anxious, secure, and fearful—that influence our interpersonal behaviors and relationship dynamics.
The new study distinguishes between global attachment orientation, which reflects our general tendencies across all close relationships, and relationship-specific attachment, which focuses on our attachment behaviors within a particular relationship. This distinction is crucial as it allows for a nuanced understanding of how attachment influences our interactions in different contexts.
While previous research has established a link between attachment styles and the propensity for self-disclosure, this study ventures further by investigating how attachment avoidance influences the likelihood of sharing personal events. The researchers hypothesized that individuals with higher levels of attachment avoidance would exhibit a selective sharing pattern, preferring to share positive events over negative ones, to minimize vulnerability and maintain a facade of competence.
“While sharing personal experiences is vital for building and sustaining close interpersonal connections, the presence of attachment avoidance significantly impedes self-disclosure,” said Elina R. Sun, a graduate student, who co-authored the work along with Syracuse University associate professor Brett Jakubiak. “Hence, our interest lies in understanding when (under what conditions) people self-disclose personal experiences in relationships characterized by higher attachment avoidance.”
The researchers drew participants from two distinct pools: a sample of undergraduate students from a private university in the United States and participants from an online research platform, Prolific.com, resulting in a final sample of 609 individuals.
Participants engaged in a 30-minute survey administered via the Qualtrics platform, which included measures for personal network mapping, event experiences, sharing behavior, perceived vulnerability upon sharing, and attachment orientation.
In the personal network mapping segment, individuals identified their closest relationships by placing the names of three primary attachment figures within the inner circle of a bullseye diagram, and up to five additional significant others in the middle circle. Following this, participants were asked to recall and list up to four recent positive and negative events in their lives, detailing the impact and competence conveyed by each event.
The crux of the study’s inquiry was participants’ sharing behavior — whether they chose to share each listed event with their identified close others. Additionally, participants rated the extent to which sharing each event with their primary attachment figures would make them feel vulnerable.
Attachment orientation was assessed through the Experiences in Close Relationships–Relationship Structures scale, which participants completed with reference to both their general attachment tendencies (global attachment orientation) and their attachment orientations towards each of the listed primary figures (relationship-specific attachment).
The researchers found that higher levels of attachment avoidance were associated with a lower likelihood of sharing personal events. This was observed across both samples and regardless of whether attachment avoidance was measured globally or in relation to specific relationships.
Specifically, for relationship-specific attachment avoidance, each one-point increase on the scale was linked to a substantial decrease in the odds of sharing personal events with a particular attachment figure. This finding was mirrored in the global attachment context, where higher levels of attachment avoidance similarly predicted a reduced propensity for sharing across the board.
Sun and Jakubiak also found evidence of selective sharing strategies, but with an interesting twist: the pattern was more pronounced when attachment was assessed within specific relationships rather than globally. In relationships marked by higher relationship-specific attachment avoidance, there was a distinct tendency to share positive events more frequently than negative ones.
This selective sharing strategy was not merely about the valence of the events shared (positive versus negative) but also related to the perceived vulnerability and competence associated with these events. Events that were perceived as less vulnerable and more competence-revealing were more likely to be shared.
“People in more avoidant relationships (characterized by emotional distancing and excessive self-reliance) exhibit significant selectivity when sharing personal events,” Sun told PsyPost. “We found that people in more avoidant relationships prioritize sharing positive events (rather than negative events) and share events that demonstrate their competence while avoiding showing vulnerability. ”
“By engaging in this selective sharing strategy, these individuals can engage in social interactions while maintaining their sense of independence. This sharing strategy allows people in avoidant relationships to balance the risks and rewards of disclosure, aligning with their cautious approach to establishing intimate relationships.”
While the primary focus of the investigation was on attachment avoidance, the researchers also explored the role of attachment anxiety in the sharing process. The results indicated that higher levels of relationship-specific attachment anxiety were associated with an increased likelihood of sharing personal events.
This suggests that individuals with higher levels of attachment anxiety may be more inclined to seek closeness and support through sharing, possibly as a way to alleviate fears of abandonment and reinforce their bonds with others.
“Attachment anxiety also plays an important role in self-disclosure,” Sun said.
But the study, like all research, is not without its limitations. Its correlational design means that causality cannot be inferred, and the moderate levels of attachment avoidance observed suggest caution in generalizing these findings to individuals with extreme attachment avoidance. Future research could benefit from experimental designs and a broader exploration of theoretical frameworks to further unravel the complexities of attachment and sharing behaviors.
Nevertheless, the research offers valuable insights into the nuanced ways in which attachment avoidance shapes our willingness to share personal experiences. By highlighting the selective sharing strategy employed by individuals with higher attachment avoidance, it provides a pathway for developing interventions aimed at enhancing intimacy and trust in relationships.
“Now that we have a better sense of the types of personal experiences that individuals in high-avoidant relationships are willing to share, we aspire to leverage these sharing opportunities to help individuals in avoidant relationships to disclose more frequently (including eventually disclosing more vulnerable experiences),” Sun said.
The study, “Attachment avoidance predicts limited and selective sharing of personal events in close relationships,” was published January 22, 2024.