DEAR AMY: A little over two years ago I made a comment to our daughter-in-law, telling her that I thought she was being overly harsh toward our eight-year-old granddaughter concerning what I considered to be a trivial matter.
We debated the point, and she has not spoken to either me or my wife since. Our son does not want to be involved.
I would dearly love to make amends and move forward, which I believe we could do in one session to clear the air, but I do not know how to go about this given her silence and ongoing refusal to even acknowledge our existence. Unfortunately, there is no common friend or neighbor who could run interference and get the ball rolling.
Do you have any suggestions?
– A Frustrated Grandfather
DEAR FRUSTRATED GRANDFATHER: Grandparents often enjoy a relaxed perspective about children, hard won through years of experience. But you also need to understand that unless you live with this child you might not necessarily have all of the information to decide whether a parenting issue is truly trivial.
I’m not sure why you need another person to run interference when you could simply express your desire to put this behind you in a letter or email.
I suggest that you keep your message simple, acknowledging your sincere regret that your statement led to this estrangement, and expressing your desire to make amends and move forward.
You might add that you realize your interference was unwelcome and perhaps ill-timed, but that your intentions were heartfelt. Say that your family does not feel complete without contact with her.
Invite her to express herself and assure her that your goal is to repair the relationship, for everyone’s sake.
This situation is very unfortunate. You want to repair the relationship, and she might be indifferent to the relationship, and so you’re the one who needs to make the effort.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
