DEAR ABBY: I am trying to come to terms with the passing of my wife, “Charlotte,” a month ago. Many old friends and family have been supportive. What hurts, in addition to my grief, is the silence from a particular couple.
For years, we were very close with this family when we both had young boys growing up. We celebrated all the joys and life-changing events together, including going out to dinner every Friday and vacationing together. Once our boys were on their own, we gradually saw less and less of the couple, but still kept in touch occasionally.
When Charlotte passed, they were two of the first people I notified. They were out of town at the time, so I postponed her memorial a day so they could attend. I felt they were so important to us that they should be there.
I have not heard one word from this couple! They live a mile away, and I haven’t received a dinner invitation or even a phone call. I’m shocked by their lack of caring, knowing I am home alone and devastated over Charlotte’s passing. A simple phone call to ask how I’m doing would be helpful. What do you think about this? -- ABANDONED IN NEW YORK
DEAR ABANDONED: I am sorry for the loss of your wife. Because it is so recent, your pain must be overwhelming. Regarding this couple, I suspect that once your sons were grown, their friendship with you was already on the wane.
While it would have been compassionate for them to have stepped up when they received the news of your wife’s passing, they (as many other people) may not have known what to say or do, so they did nothing.
If you wish to talk with them, by all means, call them. But when you do, do not expect them to offer more than cursory condolences. Concentrate instead on the friends who have shown they ARE willing to be there for you.
***
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
