DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I, along with another couple, had just been seated in a restaurant. We were reading the menu when a woman and her husband passed our table on their way out. The woman stopped, looked directly at us, and asked rather loudly, “Is someone wearing aftershave?”
I answered, “Well, I’m wearing perfume.” She actually started sniffing the air over my friend’s shoulder and asked, “What is it?” I responded with the name of the perfume.
“Yes!” the woman shouted, and then, “It stinks so much in here, I’m surprised that anybody can smell their food!” With that, she and her husband left.
I have imagined many retorts, like, “Then you must be glad you’re leaving” and “You’re so loud that I’m surprised anybody can hear themselves think.” But I said nothing. One of my friends said something like, “Then good riddance.”
While I do understand that some people dislike perfume, was that the right way to handle the situation? It was embarrassing and caused diners at nearby tables to look at us. Should I just not wear perfume in restaurants?
GENTLE READER: The woman you described has no manners, but she has impeccable timing -- as your friend no doubt realized when their rejoinder was delivered to empty air.
Miss Manners would have punctured this woman’s timing by being a less willing participant to her insult-and-run. The initial inquiry about aftershave was impertinent and, as it was delivered to the whole room, could simply have been ignored. Had she been addressed more directly, Miss Manners would have responded “I beg your pardon?” with some hauteur, then pointedly returned to her menu.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
