A therapist outlined four clear things he would never say to his partner, and frankly, they seem to be fairly standard phrases in modern relationships.
The stellar advice comes straight from the mouth of Jeff Guenther (@therapyjeff), a dating therapist with a private practice in Portland, Oregon.
The Things you should never do to your partner
Though no two relationships are the same, some things are embedded in the cultural hivemind as being off limits. Marriage.Com lists “shut up” as the ultimate insult, but Jeff’s suggestions are something most couples could relate to.
“As a relationship therapist here are 4 things I would never do to my partner,” he captioned the clip, which has since garnered millions of views and nearly 900k likes on TikTok.
The first blacklisted phrase is quite the opposite of actual words, and that’s giving your partner the silent treatment. The tactic has been used since the dawn of time to let someone know you’re annoyed without actually saying a word.
“First of all, this can be incredibly triggering for people whose parents punished them that way,” Jeff said. “And second, it’s childish and mean and it’s meant to create anxiety.”
Dubbing it “unnecessarily messed up”, Jeff also warned against comparing your partner to a former boyfriend or girlfriend. He said you’d be opening a can of worms you can’t reseal, subsequently pushing your partner to second-guess everything.
Comparing partners is also completely ridiculous given that you are no longer with that shining example of a person.
Jeff warned against constant teasing
Though the therapist acknowledged that slight teasing can be fun between two consenting adults, he argued that no relationship should be built on exchanging jabs and making your partner feel bad.
“If making your partner feel bad about themselves is your primary way you show your love, it’s going to backfire one day when they start feeling insecure about themselves,” he explained.
Jeff’s final point came down to the way you say things to your partner. He said you should never deal in absolutes, saying stuff like “You always” and “You never.”
“Words like always and never always make someone defensive. It’s never a good way to start a conversation, trust me, and 99% of the time it’s just not true that they always or never do something.”
