DEAR MISS MANNERS: In January, I had the pleasure of attending two holiday parties. Both events were potlucks, to which I gladly contributed dishes. The hosts provided beverages like water, tea and coffee. The parties were well-attended, and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.
However, a few days after each gathering, I received a message from the hosts. They mentioned the amount they had spent on the party and requested a $10-$30 donation from the guests, providing their financial app details for this purpose.
This approach struck me as more akin to a fundraiser than a social gathering among friends. Is this a standard practice in modern times? Is it now customary for hosts to ask for post-event monetary contributions to cover their expenses? I want to ensure I am up to date with current social etiquette.
GENTLE READER: Putting aside the audacity of asking guests both to cater the party and to pay for their drinks, Miss Manners cannot imagine how one could even consume $10 of water, tea or coffee.
So it would seem that guests are being charged rent for the use of the venue as well. This borders on extortion.
There is nothing wrong with an agreed-upon potluck, but that is where it stops. The act of holding a party must assume some of the responsibility for basic amenities. Even restaurants don’t charge for plain water.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
