Relationship and dating expert Matthew Hussey has demystified why some women might tell you they’re not “attracted to nice guys.”
“Does this resonate with you? Over my career, this is one of the things I’ve heard a lot from the people I coach,” he captioned the post on TikTok. “If you find yourself having the same thought, then this video may provide some answers as to why that is.”
Why women are not attracted to ‘nice guys’
Matthew, who earlier opened up about the act of sending explicit images, is constantly offering dating advice to his followers on social media and readers in publications like GQ and Cosmopolitan. While appearing on Lewis Howes’ podcast, The School of Greatness, addressed people not being attracted to so-called “nice guys.”
He explained: “They’re saying that my nervous system does not produce the effect that I call love around people who do not send me into some kind of fight or flight response.”
Matthew, who was recently married himself, continued to say that it’s less about the “nice guy” and more about past relationships that have seemingly conditioned them to react to a certain breed of attention.
“When I am met with someone who does not make me chase,” Matthew said. “When I am met with someone who doesn’t make me feel I have to earn their love, when I am met with someone who doesn’t play games, doesn’t give me anxiety by being consistent for three days and then dropping off the radar.”
He added: “When I am with someone who doesn’t do those things, it doesn’t feel like love to me. It does not feel like passion. It doesn’t feel like fireworks. It doesn’t feel like the thing I’m supposed to feel.”
Women said that not all ‘nice guys’ are actually nice
Though most understood the relationship expert’s logic, lots of women also argued that some guys hide behind the persona of a nice guy. In reality, what’s underneath is just as rotten.
One person wrote: “I dated the nice Guy, but ended up getting cheated on. I really think we need to be careful about insecure people. Cause the nice guy can also fool you if he is insecure.”
“How do you distinguish love bombing from a truly nice, genuine guy who’s into you?” someone else questioned.
A third wrote: “My brain perceives too nice as a threat because some of the most evil people who abused me used niceness as manipulation tactic.”
A fourth stated: “If she’s used to chaos, calm will seem boring.”
