DEAR ABBY: My wife recently had her DNA tested so she could learn more about her genealogy. She then decided to make her results public so other possible relatives could contact her. Not long ago, she received an email from a man, “Stan,” claiming a DNA match.
Stan said he was adopted, and his search to find his birth parents had hit a dead end. My wife immediately recalled old family stories about an older relative -- who is still alive -- who had given up her baby for adoption. Several pieces of information from Stan matched (like his birthplace), and we have no doubt my wife’s relative is this man’s parent.
Our question: Do we help Stan contact his long-lost parent? As sad as it may be, I don’t think it’s our business to surprise my wife’s kin with news of a son they’ve never talked about. My wife is leaning in the opposite direction and sees no harm. What do we do? -- TO HELP OR NOT TO HELP?
DEAR TO HELP: Your wife should contact the relative in question, explain about her DNA test and inform her that she has been contacted by a man claiming he is related. She should tell her relative she had long ago heard about a child that may have been placed for adoption. If your wife’s relative would like to have “Stan’s” contact information, she should share it. However, if this relative isn’t open to being contacted, your wife should let the matter rest.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
