A couple’s therapist revealed the major reality check he is often forced to impose on his clients when they forget the power of their words and the other person’s intentions.
Despite rising divorce rates, it’s reported that only 36% of couples attend therapy together in the hopes of conquering their issues. Thankfully, a lot of those therapists have made their way to social media where they offer various tips and tricks for overcoming issues ranging from mental health to infidelity.
The couple’s therapist said it’s all about intentions
Jeff Guenther (@therapyjeff), who earlier revealed the things you should never do to your partner, addressed his 2.8 million followers in a video that has since garnered over 38k views.
He explained on TikTok: “I always have to remind them, you judge yourself by the intentions behind your words and actions, and you judge your partner by the impact their words and actions have on you.”
To use an example, Jeff urged his followers to imagine planning a lavish party for their significant other only to discover that they hate surprises. Despite your intention coming from the best place, “it does not matter” because “your actions impacted your partner negatively.”
Jeff continued to explain that “I had good intentions” needs to be permanently retired because it takes away attention from the person who is hurt. Those good intentions can only be acknowledged once you have taken accountability for the disaster you created.
“If you’re not able to do that, you’ll end up in a fight where you’re defending your intentions on repeat,” he said. “While they are trying to make you understand how bad you made them feel and you’ll both end up more frustrated than when you started.”
People had lots of experience with ‘I had good intentions’
Understandably, lots of Jeff’s followers had previous experience with their partner uttering the dreaded “I had good intentions” phrase.
One person wrote: “Had this conversation with my husband after couples counseling last week. I told him that something he did hurt me and that he discounted my feelings telling me all of the good reasons that he had.”
“I always ask for my husband’s intentions. we discuss why I didn’t like whatever it was and he adjusts but we don’t need to fight about it,” another person wrote.
“I think it’s a lack of humility… maybe embarrassment… ?? But definitely frustrating when lack of intention is thought to be a free for to not apologize,” a third said.
