Some dog names are just wrong - and you can’t change my mind

Despite having numerous languages to choose from and just about every word in human history as inspiration, there are some truly terrible dog names out there – here are the worst I have come across.

Naming your four-legged buddy is one of the earliest experiences you have after rescuing or purchasing a dog. Sadly, a lot of people seem to get it wrong. With that being said, naming a dog is completely subjective so ignore me and choose the name you most enjoy. I will judge from a distance.

Human names

For me, naming your dog a “human” name is one of the worst crimes you can commit early on in your dog ownership career. With many options, there’s no excuse for giving your dog a name that automatically pushes them towards a career in HR.

Seriously, who looks at the fresh and bouncy nature of a German Shepherd and decides to call him Richard? There are, of course, outliers to the rule as some “human” names suit dogs quite well. If you have your heart set on a human-like name, then opt for something more niche like Amara, Remus, Quincy, or Hazel.

Here are but a few of the human-dog names I have heard:

Cliche names

The secondary category also happens to be where I find myself the most frustrated due to overexposure. If I have to meet another dog called Marley, I’m going to sue.

That isn’t to say that names based on pop culture characters can’t work, as you just need to pick a character that wasn’t also a dog. Just think how great Thanos the Chihuahua sounds, or his friends Sully the Bernese Mountain Dog, Neo the Doberman, and Katniss the Basenji.

Combination names

If your chosen dog name only works when said alongside their sibling’s name, you need to seriously reconsider. You’re not choosing a name based on the pooch’s personality, nor are you picking something because of a sentimental reason. Instead, you’re choosing a name based on how cute it sounds next to your already-established pet.

Yes, it might look cute in an Instagram caption, but these names carry the same amount of creativity as choosing drip coffee at Starbucks: