DEAR ABBY: I am the 18-year-old daughter (and third child) of parents who are going through a divorce after being together for 36 years. I need your insight on this because I am unsure.
My father has always craved physical love and affection, whereas my mom is more like a cat who prefers separation and independence. Even with these differences, things used to be good between them. That was until Mom decided she wanted to stop having sex due to her age and no longer enjoying it. (She also quit drinking, which he didn’t like.)
My father was very upset with this and claimed it was abuse if she didn’t make love with him, since “that’s how people show love.” He also stated she should “be more fun” by drinking with him. Mom tried to keep the family at peace and be the person he wanted her to be for a few years, but finally decided she could no longer do it. He moved on very quickly -- my father is already with another woman, even though he and Mom aren’t officially divorced yet.
I’ve always taken my mom’s side, but this has caused my relationship with Dad to dwindle significantly. He claims I am part of the reason the divorce is happening, since I “make her feel like what she’s doing is okay.” Should I see his perspective as well? -- TEEN OF DIVORCE IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR TEEN: That your father has dragged you into the marital difficulties between him and your mother is appalling. I believe it is a form of child abuse. The person whose perspective you should seek -- and I am not saying this lightly -- is a licensed psychotherapist, to discuss this entire matter. You are NOT the reason for your parents’ divorce. Their basic incompatibility and your father’s manipulative nature are the reasons. Please talk to your doctor about a referral NOW.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
