Ask Pulse is a weekly advice column, a listening ear to help you sort through your issues.
This week we have a man who is living with the mother of his children, but they aren’t married, and he doesn’t think he will ever marry her.
Dear Pulse,
There's no denying the love I have for my children and baby mama. I can do anything for them, and my baby mama can confirm that, but I can’t marry her for many reasons.
Let’s start with the worst thing she has ever done to me.
My mother was sick, and she couldn’t come to stay with me so I could take care of her until she died a few months ago. I still blame myself every day for my mother’s death, I didn’t give her enough attention; all because my baby mama is not a welcoming person.
To avoid issues with my baby mama, I didn’t put my foot down for my mom to stay with us. Even when I suggested to my mother that she should come and recuperate in my house, she refused, just because she didn’t want me to have problems with the woman I have at home.
But that’s not all my baby mama has done:
- She is quick to abuse and insult me.
- She doesn’t trust me.
- She abuses my father, mother, or anyone without being remorseful.
- She is quick to make decisions and say hurtful words without considering the effect.
- She listens to other people’s opinions more than mine. If I say something, she won’t listen until someone else says it.
- She’s not accommodating. This has caused none of my family members to come around.
People ask me if I didn’t see these bad traits before entering a relationship with her. Yes, I did, but I was hoping things would change. Before she gave birth to my first child, I even told her, that because of her character, I wouldn’t marry her but she promised she would work on herself.
My dad told me not to marry her, even though she has my beautiful children. He said disrespect and rudeness would make me die early. In all of these, I still love her but I feel love is not enough.
Dear Patrick,
You are right that love is not enough. Being treated with kindness and respect is part of love. Also, your partner shouldn’t isolate you from your family. Please don’t keep leading her on, like marriage is in the future when you have no plans for it.
You both are cohabitating, and that’s already like being married. She might be hoping the proper wedding is coming at some point. Would you consider letting her go so you can both find true love?
I’m sorry about your mother’s death, but you should know it was not your fault. I wish you all the best.
Pulse.
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