DEAR ANNIE: My husband and I are senior citizens. We are close friends with two other couples; we all have other friends, but these four people in particular have been our core group for years.
Over the last few weeks, male friend No. 1 has stopped talking to our male friend No. 2. No. 1 has totally stopped answering texts and calls from No. 2. If my husband or I text No. 1, he will answer but will not join us if we invite him and his wife to a group gathering. He just says they are staying in.
No. 2 has texted No. 1 and apologized for whatever it was he did with still no answer. It puts me and my husband in a weird middle position and we just don’t know what to do. We stopped by No. 1′s house today and visited with him as we always have, so we don’t think the problem is with us.
We’ve always had so much fun together and hate to see this happen, especially this late in life. Any suggestions? -- In Between Friends
DEAR IN BETWEEN: Since male friend No. 1 is responsive to you and your husband, perhaps a gentle, direct conversation is in order. You could say that you’ve noticed the distance between him and friend No. 2 and that you’re all missing the group’s usual camaraderie. Avoid pressing him for details or to reconcile immediately, but let him know the group values his presence and is there if he wants to talk.
Meanwhile, continue to support both friends individually. You can invite them to gatherings separately, ensuring you maintain both relationships without forcing a confrontation before they are ready. It’s important to respect the boundaries that friend No. 1 is setting, while also giving both parties the space and time they may need to resolve their issues. Sometimes, just knowing that mutual friends are there for support, without pressure, can be comforting in itself.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
