Journals belonging to Nashville school shooter Audrey Hale, who shot and killed three 9-year-old children and three adults at the private Christian elementary school The Covenant School before being shot and killed by police in March 2023, have leaked, RadarOnline.com has learned.
The Tennessee Star reportedly obtained four dozen pages of Hale's writings from a source familiar with the investigation. The papers were reportedly recovered from Hale's car, which was left outside the school before the shooting.
The documents are currently the subject of a protracted legal battle. News outlets and Tennessee State Sen. Todd Gardenhire have pushed for their immediate release, while police say the investigation must be concluded first. The Covenant School and the families of Hale's victims have also fought against the journals' release.
Hale reportedly identified as a transgender man and went by the name Aiden, and the newly released diary pages, written just 16 days before the deadliest mass shooting in Tennessee history, include in-depth discussions of gender and sexual identity.
"My penis exists in my head. I swear to god I'm a male," Hale allegedly wrote in one entry, going on to describe fantasizing about having sex with women as a man by creating scenes with stuffed animals.
"I can pretend to be them [and] do the things boys do [and] experience my boy self as Tony," Hale allegedly said, explaining that Tony is a “stuffed boy doll ... like the boy I am in another form ... God, I am such a pervert. I waste too much time in my fantasies.”
Hale also reportedly wrote that being raised as a girl was "torture" and feared "being called a dyke or a f-----" during high school before learning about gender identity and transitioning in college.
"I finally found the answer – that changing one’s gender is possible," the journal entry stated, going on to detail how Hale's mother was opposed to the idea of transitioning.
"What she believes, how she grew up, conservatively, and that LGBTQ – especially transgender – was an enigma, nearly non-existent," Hale allegedly wrote. "I hate parental views; how my mom sees me as a daughter – and she’d not bear to want to lose that daughter because a son would be the death of Audrey."
In addition to anger at Hale's parents and their conservative Christian upbringing, the journals reportedly express frustration with the fact that puberty blockers weren't available when Hale was a child.
“I’d kill to have those resources; 2007 was the birth of puberty blockers and a newfound discovery for treatment of non-conforming transgender children,” wrote Hale. “I was in the 6th grade, puberty already hit me.”
Hale went on to say, “So now in America, it makes one a criminal to have a gun or, be transgender, or non-binary ... God I hate those s---head politicians.”
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The Daily Mail reports that several pages of notes that Hale wrote ahead of the shooting were already leaked last November.
"'Today is the day. The day has finally come. I can't believe it's here. Don't know how I was able to get this far but here I am. I'm a little nervous but excited too, been excited for the past two weeks," Hale wrote on the day of the attack. "I'm ready ... I hope my victims aren't."
"God let my wrath take over my anxiety. It might be 10 minutes tops. It might be 3-7. It's gonna go quick. I hope I have a high death count. Ready to die."