Simon Cowell is looking back at one of the toughest chapters in his life.
On the Monday, June 10, episode of "The Diary of a CEO" podcast, the American Idol alum revealed the death of his parents took a serious toll on his mental health, but luckily, becoming a father brought him back to a better headspace.
"I think particularly when I lost my mum, I was on a downward spiral at that point. I lost everyone, you know, I’ve lost my parents. It’s finality now," the star, 64, explained. "Everything just meant nothing at that point."
Cowell said he was "desperately unhappy" and "wasn’t particularly enjoying my work," but to distract himself, he became "a vampire" and started working until 7 or 8 in the morning."
"I would wake up at 2:00 or 3:00 in the afternoon and I actually got addicted to that kind of lifestyle. I just loved the intensity. It was almost like because of the loss I’d had, I’ve got to find something else to fill it," the music exec shared. "And it was I’m just going to be a ridiculous workaholic, and I was very successful but I wasn’t happy, I really, really wasn’t happy."
It wasn't until his fiancée, Lauren Silverman, 46, informed him she was pregnant with their first child together that he snapped out of his grey days.
The news "changed everything in my life. It made me happy again," he raved.
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The dad-of-one said that 10-year-old son Eric's arrival in 2014 "without question" "saved" his life.
"I really, really had reached the point where nothing mattered," he confessed. "Even to the point that I almost can’t remember everything from that period. It hit me so hard."
"If I had got hit by a bus the following day, well, I’d be dead, but I wasn’t worried about anything like that," he said, noting his depression also led to a significant weight gain.
These days, Cowell thrives living a quieter life, as he, Silverman and their son moved to Oxfordshire, which is located in the England countryside.
"He moved into the home a few months ago and is really enjoying the freedom of country life," an insider shared with a news outlet.
"He's still going to keep doing his work in the U.S. but now has a home to come back to where he can relax that's away from London," the source elaborated. "In Holland Park, he couldn't ever step outside his door without being stopped by someone, and now he can just kick back and live a relatively anonymous life, which is what he wants."