Fusion food can be very hit or miss - sometimes it’s magic, other times you end up with a cheeseburger pizza (yes, that’s a real thing).
But, when I heard that a nearby cafe had started serving up British-Indian breakfasts, I was excited to swap my morning bowl of porridge for something a little spicier.
A quick Google search informed me Cafe Nirvana, in Dartford, opened at 8.30am. After arriving at 8.45am, hovering outside until around 9am and seeing no signs of life, I admitted temporary defeat.
My second attempt to enter Nirvana was around 11am and, thankfully, the door opened swiftly and we were greeted by the server behind the counter, who was the only other person in there.
Much to my disappointment, the paper menu at the counter stated that dishes like dosa and uttapam were only available on weekends and, as I was visiting on a Tuesday, I was out of luck.
However, I did spot a masala omelette on offer and decided to pit this Indian-style egg dish against a typical English breakfast to see how the two compared.
After ordering, we took our seats - we had our pick as the place was empty - and I had a nose around.
This only took about 30 seconds as there really wasn’t much to see.
The pale pink walls were almost completely bare, apart from a blank TV screen, and there was nothing on any of the tables except menus and the odd knife and fork.
There wasn’t any background noise either; no radio, no rolling news on the telly, nothing. The only sound was an ongoing bleep of notifications from the staff member’s phone. Otherwise, it was silent.
Our food arrived, which I hoped would add some spice to the whole affair. Sure, the place didn’t look up to much, but it was the flavour that counted, right?
Unfortunately, the masala omelette was about as plain as the decor.
I was hoping for some curried veg, some spices, perhaps a drizzle of sauce across the top but, sadly, it was little more than an omelette with some chopped tomato and onion inside.
I have to say, the eggs were cooked perfectly - delicately crisp on the outside and fluffy on the inside - but it didn’t really live up to the Indian-style breakfast I had been so desperate to try.
The classic English brekkie came next - a create-your-own plate of scrambled eggs, baked beans, toast and hash browns (I don’t eat meat and veggie sausages were off the menu).
It was steaming hot, which was a good sign, but again, it was quite lacklustre.
The toast didn’t come with any butter, although there was plenty of bean juice to mop up. The eggs were, again, cooked well, but it all lacked oomph.
The hash browns - the star of any cooked breakfast in my opinion - were cold in the middle, leading me to assume that this was a mostly microwaved meal and that the potato triangles hadn’t been zapped for long enough.
We washed it all down with a latte and a can of Limca, an Indian lemon and lime sparkling drink that I’d never tried before but really enjoyed. It was refreshing, sweet and zesty with citrus flavour.
What could have been an exotic taste of India ended up being a standard ‘caff’ breakfast and I left feeling hungry for more, as neither the masala omelette nor full English hit the spot.
Next time I’m hankering for Indian-British food, I think I’ll stick to my usual biriyani and garlic naan.
Out of five:
Food: Exactly what you’d expect from a typical ‘caff’, but I was hoping for so much more from this ‘fusion’ eatery ***
Drink: I rated the Limca. There was a good selection of other cold drinks and masala chai was on the menu, which you don’t find everywhere ***
Decor: There’s not much to report as there really wasn’t any decor to look at. The place was clean though. **
Staff: Friendly and efficient, but could’ve done with putting his phone on silent when it started continuously beeping ***
Price: I can’t argue with the price. There aren’t many places that offer a full (veggie) English for a fiver and an omelette for less than £3. ****
