DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was wondering what the appropriate mourning period would be for ex-college sweethearts who are now in their 80s.
The man’s wife died a few weeks ago after a four-year battle with dementia. During that time, his widowed neighbor and former fiancée (from over 40 years ago) supported the couple with frequent meals and visits.
The surviving husband and widowed neighbor would enjoy going out for meals and activities, but feel uncomfortable doing so. What is the appropriate mourning period? Is that old-fashioned? Every day is fleeting when you are in your 80s.
GENTLE READER: Surely your friend and the lady have reached what used to be called the Age of Discretion. Can they not enjoy their rekindling romance -- as Miss Manners understands it to be -- discreetly for a while? As friends, but not as a publicly acknowledged couple?
To present themselves as a couple within a few weeks of his wife’s death might be hurtful to those freshly mourning her -- his children and grandchildren, if he has them, and his late wife’s friends.
But surely no one should begrudge him the comfort of companionship with an old friend who was supportive of the family. If that is all it is, you need hardly have asked. In any case, it will take only a few months before well-wishers start thinking that they are dolts not to realize how very warm and comforting that friendship is.
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