By Kate Nateras
You can't always—if ever—choose who you fall in love with. Sometimes, falling for someone is beyond our control, as love can appear almost out of nowhere, for whom you least expect it, without any kind of free will about it. Love is daring, crazy, intense and exceedingly strong. It's surprising, explosive, blinding, and dark all at once. Yep, that's love.
So, it's not your fault that fell in love with that person. For you, they are perfect, magical, utterly flawless. But there's one problem: they are with someone else. If they reciprocate your feelings and do something about it, it automatically makes them a cheater. Are they still so perfect?
Perhaps, then, it's time to take a step back and think very clearly about what you want and the line you're about to cross. The road ahead is about to get too complicated otherwise.
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1. Figure out exactly how you got here.
Think deeply about what led you to the situation you find yourself in now. Why did you get close to the person in question in the first place? You need to find out what drove you into this potential mess, which, if you're not careful, could end very badly for your emotional health. Also, truly reflect on whether it's worth it—the answer to this last question will prove crucial.
2. Be clear about your personal goals.
Ask yourself this question, what kind of relationship do you picture for yourself? Before you keep your crush going (which won't likely have a good future, at least as things stand now), make sure you remember the love life you wanted before this person entered your life. It's normal to think about them, and it's normal to feel the way you're feeling. But you come first, you owe it to yourself to be okay, and you owe a healthy relationship a shot. So, be very clear about the goals you have in life.
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3. Be realistic.
Maybe the person in question can cheat, but can you? Whatever else you do, don't lie to yourself and don't engage in wishful thinking: you must acknowledge what's actually happening. Accept that the person you're in love with is with someone else, who, through no fault of their own, is being deceived. Someone who truly loves won't lie to you, hurt you, or play with you. And a good person won't do that to anyone else either.
4. Think about karma.
If you go as far as to have an affair with a someone who is taken, consider what it would feel like, if it was your partner who was cheating on you. We're not saying it's your fault, but maybe it's time that you stop yourself from doing something you know can get people—especially you—hurt. It's probably best if you abort the mission at this point. Or, at least, be aware that it's up to you to put an end to it.
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5. Don't settle for less than you deserve.
Are you happy with what you have now? Are you happy sharing the person you love? If everyone's in the know and you decide you want a polyamorous relationship, that's great. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but not everyone can handle that kind of arrangement, and you should ask yourself whether you're one of them from the get-go. Perhaps you don't actually want to settle for "half" a person, who'll only spend, at best, half their time, attention, and affection on you and half on another.
6. Don't stretch out the situation.
Most of the time, these situations come to an inevitable painful end, so it's best if you don't get involved in the first place. Your feelings will pass, but the damage you can do to yourself and others can be irreversible. So, if your relationship with this person will end anyway, you better not stretch it out any longer. The sooner you get out, the healthier it'll be for everyone.
Translated by Oliver G. Alvar
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