The mystery of love has the power to drive men crazy, it is an inexplicable feeling that cannot be replicated, and it floods the body in odd ways.
Love is a great contradiction, as the great poet Francisco de Quevedo laments,
"Like burning ice, frozen fire it isAn aching wound one does not feel,A blessing one dreams of, a present evil,A brief repose, so very tiresome."
A feeling we have tried to define within the boundaries of psychology, philosophy, and there is even a mathematical formula explaining its workings; however, in reality no one knows why it exists, it is one of the mysteries of human experience.
It is the elusive nature of love that the Buddhist monk, Tich Nhat Hanh, tried to capture in his book, How To Love, published on October 1926. Within it, he transmits the wisdom of love and the potential of the human spirit. Here are some words of wisdom from Nhat Hanh we should heed.
1. Understanding Is Love's Name
At the heart of his teachings is the idea that understanding is love's other name. Understanding the suffering, which in Buddhist terms refers to any source of profound dissatisfaction, of your partner is crucial. Even if we understand this concept, we are so caught up in the smallest fixations that we overlook the importance of empathizing with others. Our hearts are shriveled and our compassion is limited. We are unwilling to accept others and we demand change, but if we let our hearts expand, the little things hurting us and our compassion will allow us to embrace others, and they in turn will transform themselves.
He uses a beautiful metaphor to illustrate this,
"If you pour a handful of salt into a cup of water, the water becomes undrinkable. But if you pour the salt into a river, people can continue to draw the water to cook, wash, and drink. The river is immense, and it has the capacity to receive, embrace, and transform. When our hearts are small, our understanding and compassion are limited, and we suffer."
2. Make Your Heart Grow
When we nurture our happiness, we have the power to change our world and increase our ability to love. The only way of achieving this is through compassion and understanding. We must bear witness to our own sufferings and still be able to foster our happiness.
"Understanding someone’s suffering is the best gift you can give another person. Understanding is love’s other name. If you don’t understand, you can’t love," he explains.
3. Be Kind To Those Who Surround You
Love is a dynamic we learn from our parents and the people who surround us. Nhat Hanh explains,
"If our parents didn’t love and understand each other, how are we to know what love looks like? … The most precious inheritance that parents can give their children is their own happiness."
If there is no love in our surroundings, then it will be hard for us to know love and to show it.
4. No Fleeting Loves Or Infatuation
According to Nhat Hanh, there is a crucial difference between fleeting love and real love. We often have infatuations and affairs, but at the end we are unable to love, which causes suffering. When we learn how to love and understand, we reach a point where we can accept the other. Nhat Hanh explains this conundrum:
"Sometimes we feel empty; we feel a vacuum, a great lack of something. We don’t know the cause; it’s very vague, but that feeling of being empty inside is very strong. We expect and hope for something much better so we’ll feel less alone, less empty. The desire to understand ourselves and to understand life is a deep thirst. There’s also the deep thirst to be loved and to love. We are ready to love and be loved. It’s very natural."
He goes on to explain that this emptiness drives us to look for an object of our love. If we are far from understanding ourselves and we find that object of love, we realize all the hopes and expectations can never be fulfilled. This emptiness prevails. There is a continuous desire in each of us, we all want to find something or to expect something better to happen.
5. The Four Elements of Love
True love contains four elements: kindness, compassion, fun, and serenity. Kindness can help us become happy a ray of sunshine is someone's life. Compassion in turn creates a more profound relationship because two become one, the suffering of one becomes part of the other.
"Learn how to practice mindfulness in such a way that you can create moments of happiness and joy for your own nourishment. Then you have something to offer the other person," Nhat Hanh reiterates.
__6\. Listen
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The essential mechanism for establishing trust and respect is listening. Sometimes we become immune to this quality and a result we are unable to learn how to love. Nhat Hanh points out,
"To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love. To know how to love someone, we have to understand them. To understand, we need to listen."
Buddhism traces its origins back 2,500 years ago, when Siddhartha Gotama, known as Buddha, was enlightened at the age of 35. There is much we can learn from this religion that advocates for peace and love. The Dalai Lama's Atlas of Emotionis a good place to start, read this article and see how to achieve peace and prosperity. If you are a fan of tattoos, have a look at these 30 Hamsa tattoo designs.
