Olly Alexander has an "irrational anxiety" about how gay men perceive him.
The 'It's a Sin' actor wants to make the LGBTQ+ community "proud" of him and is always worried they might "hate" his work, which he believes stems from his own internal fears and shame.
Asked if he worries about how gay men will respond to a gay artist's work, he grew emotional as he told GQ Hype magazine: "Oh, God, you’re making my heart race now. “I should be careful, because I don’t want to demonise anybody.
"But I tried to really unpack this myself and... I’ll just sort of say it.
“I have this – I think irrational – anxiety about gay men tearing me down.
"And I tried to interrogate that within myself and I think it’s complicated, because a lot of it has to do with internalised phobias and shame, about how I see myself versus how other people see me.
"What I do know is that I want them to not hate me. And I want to make the community proud. It’s been at the heart of pretty much every decision I’ve ever made. And I don’t know if I’ve always got it right.”
The Years + Years frontman admitted he sometimes feels the pressure of being a prominent member of the LGBTQ+ community and having to speak for others.
He said: "Sometimes, when I feel the most anxious, I have a voice in my head that goes, ‘Oh, Olly, why on earth did you put yourself in this position? You really are not the strong person people think you are.’ "
But Olly, 30, has learned that, no matter what other people expect, he can't speak for everyone and is trying to be proud of the things he has done.
He said: “I’m always thinking about me as a teenager and how I’m creating the person I wanted to be in the world. I’m actually doing it! Holy f***!”
Read the full interview with Olly at https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/culture/article/olly-alexander-its-a-sin
