Philanthropy has its limits, even for Nick Saban.
The Alabama football coach admires his wife Terry's boundless zeal for spearheading efforts to build 18 Habitat for Humanity homes in Tuscaloosa — one for each Tide national championship — ever since the city was ravaged by a tornado 10 years ago. He just wishes she'd check the team's two-deeps before handing out job assignments.
"She got Tua (QB Tagovailoa) over there on the damn scaffolding," Nick Saban told ESPN.com of one such project. "I said, 'Give him a job where he can stand on the ground.' "
— At Fark.com: "To the $hock of nobody, Arkan$a$ racing official$ have made a que$tionable deci$ion to not $u$pend Bob Baffert over $everal drug infraction$. Immediate rea$on$ are not available."
— At TheOnion.com: "NCAA fines Alabama football players for receiving championship rings as gifts."
The Rays' 8-2 win in the Bronx on April 16 was delayed for more than two minutes in the eighth inning when frustrated Yankees fans threw about a half-dozen baseballs onto the field.
Here's hoping those hooligans never show up at a bowling tournament.
Grab those flags
NFL owners want a crackdown on taunting — as in, more penalty flags — for such offenses as players standing over a prone opponent, getting in an opponent's face, pointing fingers or Tom Brady flashing his seven Super Bowl rings after throwing a TD pass.
OK, just kidding on that last one.
Alex the therapy bunny became an internet sensation at Oracle Park on Thursday night when he sat in the stands on the lap of Giants fan Kei Kato while rocking:
a) a dark bow tie with orange crabs
b) a Rabbit Maranville jersey
And, in fake news ...
WWE just released 10 rasslers from their contracts.
Say it ain't so, Samoa Joe.
Perfect for night games
April 16 was "Wear Your Pajamas To Work Day."
Except in Boston, where the Red Sox waited till the 17th to break out those yellow and blue jerseys.
Major League Baseball has hired former WWE "sizzle planner" Brian Stedman as its executive vice president of strategy and development.
Pitchers immediately demanded to know: Are pine tar and Vaseline considered foreign objects?
Just call it a pole tax
Rockets guard Kevin Porter Jr. will miss a few games after violating the NBA's health safety protocols by visiting a Miami strip club.
Any possible fines, we assume, will be paid in $1 bills.
NFL owners voted to abolish overtime in preseason games.
That sound you hear is the 1972 Dolphins — and everyone else — popping Champagne corks.
Fun while it lasted
For perspective's sake, soccer's ill-fated Super League lasted about 48 hours — or roughly a dozen Yankees-Red Sox games.
Joe Buck is joining the "Jeopardy!" guest-host rotation this summer and could be a contender for the permanent gig.
Network executives are already bracing for a slew of complaints Buck will be biased toward the champion.
Talking the talk
— Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, via Twitter, on talk of a European Super League in soccer spawning discussion of something similar in college football: "Haven't they already done that? It's called the SEC!"
— Former Anchorage Daily News desker Roy Neese, on the 7-foot-1, 195-pound frame of basketball wunderkind Chet Holmgren, the Gonzaga commit: "Showers inside a downspout."
Tag up, kids
Ross Township in suburban Pittsburgh suburb renamed a park in honor of pro rassler Bruno Sammartino.
Only noticeable difference? The local playground kids now play their tag in teams.
— Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, on the sad state of pugilism today: "World champion boxer Floyd Mayweather fought Connor McGregor, a guy who had never been in a boxing match in his life. I am surprised that it was not arranged for the winner here to face 65-year-old Hulk Hogan in a Steel Cage Texas Chain Saw Death Match."
— Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after Bucs QB Tom Brady said players would have trouble "trying to block the right people" after the league relaxed its jersey-number restrictions: "Hey, Tom, not all NFL players need reading glasses."
— Comedian and Mets fan Jerry Seinfeld, to Newsday, on why he didn't bid to buy the team when it was recently sold: "I don't need more people yelling at me on 79th Street when the Mets are on a losing streak."
Karma to spare
Joe Hinkle, 32, of Peoria, Ill., two-handed a 300 game the first time he used his new bowling ball — with his dead father's ashes permanently embedded where the thumb hole should be.
"It's special," Hinkle told WMBD-TV. "Dad shot 298, 299, never had a 300. I had goose bumps, chills. He was there. This is the best (300 game), and definitely the hardest. I was shaking."
Quote, end quote
— Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union-Tribune, on the NFL's prodigal Chargers: "In the unlikely event Jeff Bezos buys The NFL Team That Used To Be Here, does it return to San Diego in two days?"
— Blogger Patti Dawn Swansson, on those outfits that Ralph Lauren designed for U.S. Olympians: "I can't tell if he's dressed the U.S. team for the next space-shuttle mission or an expedition to the South Pole."