Pins and needles, anyone?
Vaccination sites in Mexico City are bringing in entertainers — including Lucha Libre pro rasslers — to help assuage fears of those showing up to get their COVID shots, The New York Times reported.
— Headline at TheOnion.com: " 'It's him or me,' says unhinged Aaron Rodgers demanding Packers fire team custodian."
— Caption in The Orlando Sentinel: "The Final Jeopardy category today is ... 'Disgruntled NFL Quarterbacks.' "
Looking for paydirt
The Falcons signed undrafted Jack Batho IV, a 6-foot-7, 315-pound tackle from South Dakota School of the Mines.
Hey, if a guy from there can't open a hole, who can?
The Rangers and Capitals combined for 72 penalty minutes in the first 4:14 in their game Wednesday night because:
a) New York went vigilante on Caps enforcer Tom Wilson
b) they mistakenly thought it was Punch Imlach Bobblehead Night
Two words for the Astros' complaints that fans are mercilessly taunting them for their cheating ways en route to winning the 2017 World Series:
Indiana handed the Oklahoma City Thunder — the former Sonics — the worst home loss in NBA history, 152-95, on May 1
So, in terms of tears, let's just say there was a 0% chance of precipitation in Seattle that day.
These guys are strict
Ian Nepomniachtchchi can't play under the Russian flag in his upcoming world-championship match because of his country's ban from international sporting competitions by the World Anti-Doping Agency.
For the record, Nepomniachtchchi plays chess.
King County sheriff's Detective Pierre Thiry, a one-man security force for the Mariners' bullpen since the team's 1977 inception, is calling it a career after 51 years.
Time to bring in a reliever!
It's bluegrass, officer
He insists it's just a coincidence, but the birthday of co-owner Braxton Lynch of Hidden Stash — 14th-place finisher in the Kentucky Derby — happens to fall on 4/20.
Injury of the Week
A's lefty Jesús Luzardo landed on the 10-day injured list with a broken pinkie — from hitting his pitching hand on a desk while playing video games.
Tooth Fairy alert
Seahawks QB Russell Wilson had all of his wisdom teeth extracted last week.
In other words, a four-and-out.
Medina Spirit, a $1,000 yearling purchase, completed his rags-to-riches story by winning the Kentucky Derby.
Next on his oats-bucket list: a horseshoe deal with Nike.
Talking the talk
— Comedy writer Brad Dickson, on why Nebraska scheduled a football game against Fordham: "Very simple: (AD Bill) Moos and (coach Scott) Frost desperately need wins to keep their jobs, and their first choice — a driving school in Denison, Iowa — doesn't field a team."
— Blogger Patti Dawn Swansson, after Rogers Sports & Media upped its "Hockey Night in Canada" broadcasts/streaming to 10 different languages on April 24: "It would have been 11, but Don Cherry was fired a year and half ago."
Hey, battered batters
MLB batters hit just .232 through April, down 20 points from just two years ago and well below the all-time worst — .237 — set in 1968.
"Keep coming, keep coming," said Mario Mendoza.
— Warriors forward Juan Toscano-Anderson, to ESPN.com, on what it's like playing alongside teammate Steph Curry during his torrid shooting streak: "If you get into a street fight and you've got Mike Tyson standing on the side of you, how you gonna feel?"
— Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, after the Eagles drafted 6-foot, 166-pound Bama receiver DeVonta Smith: "I'm not saying he's too skinny to withstand the pounding of the NFL, but he's the only player in the draft who uses a Cheerio as a hula hoop."
— Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after the Mets scored eight runs in a win: "So you know one thing: Jacob DeGrom wasn't pitching."
— Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union-Tribune, after Irish MMA star Conor McGregor sold his majority interest in Proper No. 12 Irish whiskey for $600 million: "Ain't that a kick in the head?"
Tweet of the Week
"When I was 20, I faced Gibby at an exhibition (game) in Florida. I tried to fill in a hole in the batter's box and he told me, 'Get in the box. I'm double parked!' He knocked me down four times and walked me. As I walked to first base, he said, 'Don't even try to steal.' I didn't." — Hall of Famer Rod Carew, on the late Bob Gibson
Quote, end quote
— Blogger Chad Picasner, on A's lefty Jesús Luzardo escaping team discipline after breaking the pinkie on his pitching hand while playing a video game: "Luckily, they didn't take away his Coco Puffs."
— Alex Myers of GolfDigest.com, on corpulent John Daly's bounteous white beard: "If you want to grow the game, we've got an idea. Go tell kids that Santa Claus plays golf."
— Phil Mushnick of the New York Post, on the Nets' Kyrie Irving adding his own twist to the "DNP" designation: " DFLP — didn't feel like playing."
— Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot: "If Tim Tebow had elected to play tight end eight years ago, it would have altered the course of minor league baseball."
— Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, on proposals to allow even more instant-replay reviews in college basketball: "We need this as much as Olympic swimming events need lifeguards."