Shawn Mendes says an argument with his girlfriend Camila Cabello forced him to confront the “bad inside” of him.
The 22-year-old musician has admitted he once got into a row with Camila where he raised his voice at her, and described the feeling as “the worst” as he was “so terrified of being evil”.
He said: “I raised my voice at her and she was like, ‘I don’t like it when you raise your voice. Why did you raise your voice?’ And I got so defensive. I was like, ‘I wasn’t raising my voice at you!’ And I did raise my voice at her. And I felt her shrink and I felt me grow and I was like, ‘Oh god, this is the worst.’ I’m so terrified of being evil. I’m so scared to be bad.”
Shawn’s fear of being evil then prompted him to sit down with Camila so they could both discuss the confrontation and move forward.
He added: “Maybe there even is bad inside of me, and I have to just accept that that exists. And that other part of me, he’s just got to be here and we’ve just got to work together until eventually he gets worked in all of the trauma and all of the kinks get rubbed out of him and he’s OK. But I can’t avoid the fact that there’s a little bit of darkness inside of me and letting that darkness kind of be present is a horrible feeling.”
The ’In My Blood’ singer was “comforted” by his girlfriend before he realised he still needed to apologise for raising his voice in the first place.
He explained: “I made it about my evil and my fear, and she comforted me. And then it took me like 20 minutes of us separately reading our books to be able to come back to her and be like, ‘God, that was a whole thing and I’m really sorry.'”
And now, Shawn is working on allowing himself to be “vulnerable”.
Speaking during an appearance on the ‘Man Enough’ podcast, he said: “You think you’re being vulnerable but really you’re just defending yourself even better.”
