Newly published research in the the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships suggests that being mindful in a romantic relationship can lead to fewer and less intense conflicts. The study’s results highlight that cultivating relationship mindfulness might enhance the connection between partners by reducing feelings of loneliness and negative attributions.
Interestingly, the research found that the degree of mindfulness exhibited by the female partner carried more weight compared to the level of mindfulness exhibited by the male partner, which seemed to have a relatively minor influence.
Relationship mindfulness refers to being present and attentive in your interactions and experiences within a romantic relationship. It’s about extending the concept of mindfulness to your interactions with your partner. Just as mindfulness involves being fully aware of the present moment without judgment, relationship mindfulness involves being fully present and attentive in your interactions with your partner.
The researchers conducted this study to understand the relationship between relationship mindfulness, conflict in romantic relationships, loneliness, and attributions. They aimed to explore how relationship mindfulness might be linked to conflict in couples and whether this link could be explained by the presence of loneliness and specific attributions about partner behaviors. This study sought to provide insights for clinicians working with couples to help reduce conflict and improve relationship outcomes.
The researchers framed their investigation based on a theoretical model proposed by Johan C. Karremans and colleagues (Karremans et al., 2017), which suggests that mindfulness influences fundamental processes like emotion regulation and self-other connectedness. These processes, in turn, impact relationship processes and motivations, ultimately affecting relationship outcomes. The researchers hypothesized that loneliness (a basic process) and attributions (a relationship process) might mediate the link between mindfulness and couple conflict.
“Initially, my interest was sparked by my major professor, Dr. Jonathan Kimmes, who is responsible for the creation of the Relationship Mindfulness Measure,” explained study author Katie Morris, a PhD candidate at Florida State University.
“However, the idea came about after studying more about mindfulness in general, particularly the benefits of mindfulness in the context of romantic relationships. As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I am always interested in ways to improve relationships, so it felt natural to explore the potential of mindfulness in this context.”
“For me, the clinical implications came naturally. That is, my research in this area has directly impacted my work with clients in therapy. I now pay specific attention to how mindful each partner is in their relationship, as well as the way they attribute their partners behavior (whether benevolently or not).”
To conduct the study, the researchers recruited a sample of 116 middle-aged married couples (232 individuals) through an online assessment. The couples were required to meet specific criteria, such as being fluent in English, having at least one spouse between 45 and 64 years old, having an age difference between spouses of no more than 5 years, and being married for at least 5 years.
The participants completed the Relationship Mindfulness Measure, an assessment consisting of five items (e.g., “When my partner and I are together, it seems I am running on automatic, without much awareness of what I’m doing”). They rated themselves on a scale from “Almost always” to “Almost never.” The items were reverse-coded, with higher scores indicating higher levels of relationship mindfulness.
They also completed an abbreviated version of the Relational Attribution Measure, which assesses a person’s tendency to make positive or negative attributions about their partner’s actions. For example, if your partner forgets your birthday, your (negative) attribution might be that they’re thoughtless or don’t care, or it could be that they had a busy day and it slipped their mind.
Loneliness was measured using 3 items from the UCLA loneliness scale. Participants indicated the frequency of feeling lonely in specific ways on a scale from 1 (Never) to 4 (Often). Finally, conflict in the marital relationship was assessed using two items, which evaluated the frequency and negative impact of conflict.
The researchers used an Actor-Partner Interdependence Model (APIM) to analyze the data and test their hypotheses. The APIM allowed for the examination of dyadic effects within couples. That is, the researchers examined the effects of both people on each other in their relationship.
When examining the interactions between the variables, the researchers uncovered some unexpected gender differences.
Women with heightened relationship mindfulness tended to report less loneliness and their male partners also tended to report less loneliness. Relationship mindfulness among men, in contrast, did not show significant associations with either their own loneliness or their partner’s loneliness. Men who felt lonely in their relationships were more likely to experience conflicts with their partners. However, for women, feeling lonely was not strongly connected to having more conflicts with their partners.
“There were some interesting gender differences in our findings that I wasn’t completely expecting. For example, the level of relationship mindfulness in male partners was not associated with any relationship outcomes, but female partner level of relationship mindfulness was. After doing some additional research, I was able to find that these gender differences are fairly common for different-sex relationships, but that didn’t necessarily feel obvious when we first estimated our results.”
But the researchers observed some similarities as well.
When women in relationships felt lonely, they tended to think more negatively about their partner’s actions. Similarly, when men in relationships felt lonely, they also tended to make more negative judgments about their partner’s behaviors. Both men and women who made negative judgments (attributions) about their partner’s actions were more likely to have conflicts in their relationships.
Importantly, the study found an indirect association between a woman’s mindfulness in her relationship and how much conflict she had with her partner, which was mediated by two factors: male loneliness and male attributions. In other words, when a woman was mindful in her relationship, her partner tended to feel less lonely, and this reduced loneliness was in turn associated with less conflict. However, the study didn’t find any indirect effects between a man’s mindfulness in his relationship and conflict.
“At its core, the study makes a case for the importance of mindfulness in the context of romantic relationships. There are many ways to adapt individual mindfulness strategies for a couple, so I would encourage all those in romantic relationships to consider finding ways to improve how mindful they are with their partner specifically. This is especially relevant for those who struggle with conflict in their romantic relationships.”
Although this research enhances our understanding of the relationship between relationship mindfulness and relationship conflict, it’s important to recognize its limitations.
“One of the major caveats for the study is that all participants were in different-sex relationships. The implications for the LGBTQ+ community then needs to be explored further. Additionally, this was a cross-sectional study which means that any conclusions about causality (i.e., relationship mindfulness directly causes a decrease in conflict), are not supported by the current data. Future studies could certainly look to see whether relationship mindfulness interventions may help to reduce the frequency and intensity of conflict in romantic relationships.”
“I would just add that it’s important to continually seek out the most updated research as it pertains to relationships, but it’s also important to privilege the lived experience of those in relationships. If partners find strategies that work for them to reduce conflict, that’s worth exploring even if the research hasn’t caught up yet. Research findings are a starting point. They should be used as a suggestion, not a rule.”
The study, “Changing the blame game: Associations between relationship mindfulness, loneliness, negative partner attributions, and subsequent conflict“, was authored by Katherine L. Morris, Jonathan G Kimmes, and Crystal G Marroquin.
