DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law is a lovely woman -- generous, with a heart of gold. Her husband, my husband’s brother, is a kind and gentle man who works hard to provide for his family. They do much for their community and seemingly have every moment of the day occupied with something.
But whenever I’m with my SIL, she never fails to whine about where her husband falls short. Sometimes, she does it in front of him. It’s uncomfortable because I don’t want him to think I agree with her. Almost always the problems are minuscule. Example: The house is never clean enough, or he’s not doing X-Y-Z to help her. (To me, it looks like he does plenty.) She says she’s always doing “everything herself.”
I’m not one for confrontation and don’t want to cause trouble in our relationship because I do enjoy her a lot, and I’m afraid of the repercussions of “going there.” But enough is enough. It makes me dread one-on-one conversations or not want to interact because it is draining. How do I handle this? -- ZERO TOLERANCE
DEAR ZERO TOLERANCE: Ask your sister-in-law to please stop complaining, because when she does it makes you uncomfortable. After that, when she starts again, change the subject to something else -- cooking, gardening, even politics or religion if you think it will distract her. Good luck.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
