DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an employee of a state government. There are times when we employees are asked to donate cash toward a gift for a co-worker (on the occasion of a death, marriage, catastrophic event, etc.).
I don’t mind donating on these occasions. What I am questioning is the manner in which gifts are solicited.
Some requesters will ask everyone in the office to donate. Whether one donates, and the amount, is up to the employee. Other requesters, however, keep a list of each person who donates, and the dollar amount given.
Because this information is not included in the envelope containing the final donation (I checked), I believe that this method of bookkeeping is unnecessary and potentially unkind.
Additionally, I was taught that it is impolite to count other people’s money. It could be that a person gave $1 because that was all they could comfortably give.
GENTLE READER: So your colleagues are compiling records of the amounts that their colleagues donate. To what purpose?
Perhaps because they can easily guess your income, they are comparing the amount you gave with what they believe to be the amount you should have given. Not only is this not nice, but it is probably not accurate. They are not likely to know the extent of your financial obligations or of your philanthropy.
Miss Manners would strongly suggest asking why these records are being kept and, if necessary, saying that you will contribute privately.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
