DEAR MISS MANNERS: I traveled by bus to attend a funeral for a family member in my hometown (where I no longer live). I don’t mind riding the bus, and in fact, I relish the chance to listen to a podcast or audiobook and unwind.
The bus ride was about two hours, and I was seated next to a woman whom I could not, despite my best and most mannerly efforts, disengage from conversation. Should something like this happen in the future, what is a polite but FIRM way to disengage a chatty stranger, short of simply putting in my earbuds and ignoring him or her?
GENTLE READER: The rude person on the bus -- or the train, or the airplane -- has convinced you that ignoring her would be rude. It feels rude. If we ignore her own rudeness in forcing you into a conversation, it would be.
Miss Manners often says that one rudeness does not justify another, so how can this woman’s rudeness cancel the rudeness of ignoring her?
Because it does. Etiquette is not stupid. It may, occasionally, allow one to use politeness as a bludgeon -- but it does not allow rudeness to be so used. You may listen to your audiobook with a clear conscience, but you must steel yourself to do so.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
