DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who talks nonstop. Honestly, I can put the phone down and go make a cup of tea, and she’ll still be talking when I get back. I don’t think she even takes a breath. I want to tell her she sometimes needs to ask questions or seek the opinions of others. How can I do this without hurting her feelings?
She has many good qualities. She’s knowledgeable on many topics, she’s artistic and she’s a good cook. She is just exhausting to be around. I feel bad for her and her husband. Her children are good, productive citizens. But man, oh man, I dread getting a call from her. Advice? -- OVERWHELMED IN GEORGIA
DEAR OVERWHELMED: There’s a reason why you are drained after those phone calls. Your friend is a compulsive talker and a “sapper.” (A sapper is someone who gains energy by draining it from others.) The next time she calls, have a stopwatch handy and make a note of the length of time she rambles on and on. Then point out that although she may be unaware of it, she talked at you for (insert number) minutes.
Then suggest she dial it back and consider asking an occasional question and including you in the conversation, because what she has been doing is exhausting. She may not like what you are saying, but she really needs to hear it.
P.S. Consider screening your calls so that if you don’t have the energy to talk with the woman, you can avoid listening to her.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
