DEAR AMY: I am 20 and my girlfriend of six months is 19.
Ever since we started dating, she seems to go out of her way to tell me whenever a guy hits on her, compliments her, or flirts with her.
She’s gorgeous and so I totally understand that this is going to happen.
I completely trust her, but when we started going out I told her that I don’t really need to hear about every time a guy compliments her. I told her that I know these things happen, but that I don’t need to hear about it.
Finally, I flat-out asked her to stop reporting these things to me.
Yesterday she was headed to her friend’s house and told me that her friend’s brother has a crush on her.
Why does she do this? I feel like breaking up with her, not because I’m jealous of other guys, but because she seems to enjoy rubbing my face in the attention she receives from other guys.
– Stymied Student
DEAR STUDENT: I think your girlfriend does this in part because she is insecure, and this is her way of testing your relationship.
You’ve asked her to stop doing this, but you don’t seem to have asked her to tell you why she does it.
I suspect that your girlfriend is immature and that this gamesmanship is how she has gained social currency in the past.
Additionally, it’s possible that she believes that jealousy and drama are a necessary component to relationships.
You should ask her how she would feel if you behaved this way.
She might admit that having a partner who is desired by others is how she gauges her own awesomeness.
If you believe that this behavior reveals an essential difference between the two of you, then it would be best to break up and find someone whose maturity and values align more closely with your own.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
