A lot of thought goes into choosing the right romantic partner and a theory going around on TikTok suggests that the order of your birth has a role to play in your dating life.
We spoke to relationship expert and clinical psychologist Dr. Betsy Chung to better understand the theory and its impact on a romantic relationship as social media users are looking for “the one” based on each other’s birth order.
Expert breaks down the Birth Order Theory
According to the Birth Order Theory, the order in which an individual is born in their family impacts their personality development.
Dr. Betsy Chung told The Focus that a child’s personality is mostly shaped by their parenting. “For example, firstborn children tend to get a lot of attention, has had high expectations on them since they’re their parent’s first attempts at parenting”, the relation expert explained.
This results in the eldest children growing up to be perfectionists with immense expectations of themselves and others.
“If they had younger siblings that followed, firstborns may begin to develop a more responsible and potentially bossy personality, often due to expectations for them to either take care of their younger siblings or be a positive role model,” Dr. Betsy Chung added.
However, middle children are believed to be often unseen or unheard being sandwiched between the “golden child” and the “baby”, so they grow up to become more empathetic, and “take on the role of peacemaker.” The middle children are known to have people-pleasing tendencies.
As for the youngest child in the family, they tend to be “more spoiled and free-spirited”.
The relationship expert explains: “By the time they’re born, their parents would have already experienced many years of parenting their older siblings, and are therefore more relaxed and less strict with the youngest, but that also often means less effort toward the youngest and more expectations for the older siblings to help raise them.”
So, the youngest siblings may come across as immature and self-centered in a romantic relationship too.
Sorry I need to be looked after…. Its in my DNA.
Does this truly impact your dating life?
The Birth Order Theory is being discussed casually on TikTok with the users coming up with their own interpretation of the “best romantic matches” depending on whether you were born first, last or a middle child.
However, Dr. Betsy Chung says dating someone based on the theory isn’t the right way to approach a relationship as several other factors determine an individual’s personality.
For instance, TikTok users are convinced they are always attracted to a carefree youngest child if they are the overprotective firstborn and vice versa. But the relationship expert refutes the popular belief.
She said: “There’s no such thing as a perfect match for any individual, and all relationships will experience ups and downs. So a better indicator for a strong relationship is in how both individuals take the time to learn more about their relationship patterns and work together to overcome those patterns.”
“A poor romantic match would be when one or both partners refuse to make any concessions or take personal responsibility for the welfare of the relationship,” Dr. Betsy Chung added.
