DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have known each other for 25 years. We married five years ago. At that time, I was making 500-mile round trips twice a month to visit my children from my first marriage. I was, and still am, crazy about her.
However, two years ago, my wife admitted to a long-term romantic affair with a married man who has two children. She also admitted that she was waiting for him to leave his wife, and that he was waiting for her to leave me before moving in and eventually moving away together, and perhaps marrying.
Shortly after this came out, she became critically ill. She requires 24-hour care, and I have been at her side, monitoring her health and taking her blood pressure. She flatlined once at the hospital, and if I hadn’t been in the room at the time, she would have died.
My wife refuses to give me any details about the affair. There have been signs that she may still be in touch with him, and I think his wife should know. She becomes hysterical at that suggestion, which raises her blood pressure dangerously high. I feel trapped. I fear that if I leave her, she would have no one to care for her and might die. What do you advise? -- DEEP IN THE DRAMA IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR DEEP: You are no more trapped than you wish to be. There can be no marriage without trust. If your wife were truly contrite about her affair, she would tell you everything. Because you think she may still be in contact with her lover, and in light of the fact that she refuses to come clean, discuss this with an attorney who can explain to you what your responsibilities would be if you were to divorce her after five years of marriage. You should not be forced to be her caregiver under these circumstances.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
