DEAR AMY: We recently celebrated Easter with our families.
My husband and I have a precocious seven-year-old daughter who we really enjoy. But any holidays or occasions where there are treats or presents involved seem to bring out the worst in her.
She rips through her gifts or treats and immediately starts complaining that there isn’t more.
I’m really sick of this. I am thinking of calling a halt to the abundance by basically not participating at all in “in-between” occasions like Valentine’s Day and Easter, and of really cutting down at Christmastime, but I’m not sure if that is the right response.
My husband and I agreed to let you weigh in.
– Gifting Mother
DEAR MOTHER: First of all, for many people around the world, Easter is not an “in-between” occasion but an important religious holiday, and I think that some prudent, low-key education about what these holidays are supposed to celebrate might be helpful and interesting for your daughter.
Canceling a gift-giving holiday several months in advance will not mean much to a child your daughter’s age; it is best to respond in the moment to behavior you don’t like.
For instance, if you presented an Easter basket loaded with goodies and your daughter tore through them (common behavior for a child her age), and immediately started complaining that there weren’t more, you and your husband should express your own disappointment – calmly and decisively.
“Wow – you seem very unhappy. You have a lot of treats there, and if you don’t enjoy them, we will take them away until you can figure out how to enjoy the things that are right in front of you.”
Seven-year-olds are impulsive; that’s a characteristic that can make kids this age really fun to be with. The downside to this is that they are still learning how to modulate their behavior.
Right after disciplining your daughter, once she calms down you should ask her if she understands how her behavior led to the consequence.
At Eastertime, you could also transition from giving a basket full of sweets, treats and trinkets to coloring and hunting for eggs and jellybeans, and giving flower seeds, small pots and soil for planting a window garden.
I agree to cut way down.
In advance of any holiday you should read stories associated with it, work on a craft project related to it, and review the guidelines for receiving gifts or treats, enjoying what you receive, and expressing joy and gratitude.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
