DEAR ANNIE: I am a 45-year-old man, and I was married for 17 years to my lovely wife until her untimely death a year ago. My wife and I have three children, one of whom is from her previous relationship. I love her so much, and when she passed, I was heartbroken and severely depressed.
Recently, an old girlfriend from my teenage years reached out and was a great friend to me. She helped me through my grief, helped me reconnect with God and was always there for me. During this time, I developed romantic feelings toward her, and she to me.
I want to ask her to marry me, but my question is: Is there a time limit on moving on? Or should I mourn my wife because I do not want to disrespect her? My children and stepchild won’t talk to me also and treat me like a pariah. Any help will be great. Thank you. -- Widowed Husband
DEAR WIDOWED HUSBAND: The pain of losing a spouse is profound, and navigating grief is a deeply personal process. The fact that you’re considering love again is a testament to your capacity for love and a sign of healing.
The reaction of your children and stepchild, however, is an important consideration. Their behavior suggests they may be struggling with their own grief and possibly feeling like moving on could be a betrayal of their mother’s memory. It’s important to approach this situation with empathy, patience and open communication. It might be beneficial to seek family counseling.
There’s no universal timeline for mourning or for when it’s “appropriate” to find new love, and marrying again doesn’t mean you disrespect your wife. If this relationship feels right, it’s OK to embrace it. Just make sure you’re moving forward with sensitivity to your own feelings, those of your children and the memory of your wife. Consider speaking with a counselor or spiritual adviser to help you through these complex emotions.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
