DEAR ABBY: My husband rarely says “thank you” and almost never apologizes for anything. The other day, I was at an office party to which family members were not invited. I brought home a plate of food for my husband, for which he refused to thank me when I hinted that a “thanks” might be nice, especially since it was dinnertime.
The office “lunch” had been hours ago, and I had brought nothing for myself. He said because I hadn’t come home when I said I would, he didn’t feel the need to thank me. When I told him it’s common courtesy to thank people, he continued arguing and eventually threw the plate of food across the room. Now he won’t apologize for that either. He feels he was justified in throwing the food.
Abby, my husband is a college professor and well-educated, yet he often overlooks common courtesy. He usually walks fast and ahead of me when we’re going places. He never says, “You look nice,” and he leaves the house without mentioning where he is going. It doesn’t concern him that it upsets me, as he is convinced that he is right about everything. The food-throwing is an extreme example of his behavior, but it has me concerned about his mental health at this point. Advice, please. -- NEVER THANKED IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR NEVER THANKED: Your husband’s mental health is fine. What you have described in detail is not new behavior. The professor has been an educated boor for years and is clearly unwilling to change. I would question YOUR judgment for having tolerated his disrespectful behavior for the length of time you have because he has shown you repeatedly that your feelings are of little consequence to him.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
