DEAR ABBY: I have one sibling, a sister, who is three years younger than I am. Our mom is very elderly. My sister and I have a terrible relationship. We cannot get along.
When Mom dies, would it be okay for me not to go to the funeral? We have no other family, and I have no desire to see my sister. Mom and I have a great relationship. Do other people experience this? I told her lawyer I can’t go. He said he understands. -- ON MY OWN IN NEW YORK
DEAR O.M.O.: Funerals may seem to be “for” the deceased, but they are really to comfort the living. The time to demonstrate respect and affection is while someone is living. You have done that with your mother for many years. I doubt there is much left unsaid between you. When your mother passes, do what feels right to you. Your mother’s lawyer said he understands. That should be enough dispensation.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
