DEAR ANNIE: My husband of 35 years has taken to letting himself go. We are both in our 60s and have, in the past, enjoyed hiking, walking around our neighborhood and getting some exercise. He is a recovered alcoholic and has a powerful taste for sweets, eating them often and usually clandestinely. He has gained a fair amount of weight and has had some recent problems with his knees and one hip.
I have suggested exercise and a sensible diet, but he does not seem to find it an important suggestion. We have good insurance, although he does not see a doctor or dentist. He hobbles when he walks now. I exercise regularly and am a vegetarian. My weight has been the same for our entire life together.
Should I let him be? I am tired of telling him how I feel regarding this issue and know I will soon be a widow. I am at a loss. -- Impending Widow
DEAR IMPENDING WIDOW: Your concerns are both valid and pressing, especially given your husband’s previous battles with alcoholism and now his declining physical condition. Since direct suggestions haven’t been effective, consider consulting a third party. Perhaps getting your husband to agree to a health checkup under the guise of routine care will lead to natural conversations about his diet and exercise with a professional. As summer approaches, try to engage him in activities you both like that can also serve as light exercise, like those gentle walks you two used to enjoy together or recreational swimming.
Make sure to express your concerns not just from a health standpoint but from a relational one. Let him know how much you value your time together and your future, emphasizing that his health directly affects the quality and longevity of your shared life. At the end of the day, it’s simple: You love him and don’t want to lose him. This might make the situation more relatable and urgent, inspiring him to make changes.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
