DEAR AMY: A wedding dilemma. My sister recently had a small wedding and all of our family members were involved and pitched in. I planned and paid for her shower, our mother made a beautiful wedding cake, and our uncle officiated (he is a pastor).
Additionally, we all gave them shower gifts and wedding gifts, including gifts of cash to be put toward their honeymoon (they had asked for this).
My sister and her new husband just sent an email to our immediate family, more or less berating us for not giving them more — or larger — gifts.
We are pretty shocked and don’t know how to react. We agreed to ask you before we respond.
Any ideas?
— Shocked Sister
DEAR SISTER: From what you describe, it sounds as if your family should send this couple an invoice.
I suggest that one of your parents should respond in a neutral way, saying that they thought the wedding was beautiful and that they are sorry the couple is so dissatisfied. Then say, “Your demand is really surprising. What’s going on?”
I think it’s possible that this couple has gotten themselves into debt and are looking for relief. If so, they’ll have to be honest about this and find a way to discuss it in a much more appropriate way.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
