Dealing with a narcissistic ex can be tricky and draining if you aren’t aware of the problematic personality type. And, if they insist on remaining friends with you, it’s for self-serving reasons only.
Nothing like spotting a narcissist on your first date – trust me, you’ve dodged the biggest bullet. However, if you had the experience of a full-fledged relationship with them which has now come to an end, a psychologist explains why they may try to take the cordial route.
5 selfish reasons your narcissistic ex wants to remain friends
American clinical psychologist Dr. Ramini Durvasula breaks down different reasons your ex tries to keep you in the friend zone even after calling quits on the romantic relationship. These may be all the more reason why you should stay away from them regardless of what you shared in the past.
You’re a supply
To a narcissist, you’re always a supply. Dr. Ramini says they would want to remain friends with you to keep you as an option; someone they can reach out to on cordial terms when they run out of other “supplies”.
However, this wouldn’t change the way you were treated in an interpersonal relationship and they aren’t going to like you any better now. Their intention to be friends is purely selfish.
It’s a cool quotient
You don’t so often find people who can maintain a healthy relationship with their former lovers. A narcissist would take much pride in telling the world that they are still good friends with their ex-partners.
It also paints them as progressive and open-minded, making people overlook their true colors that would have shown while they were in a relationship with you.
It’s easy to woo you
It’s always easier for a narcissist to try their luck with someone whose behavior they are familiar with. The odds are in their favor when trying to get back with you on the pretext of friendship.
Even if you choose to remain friends with your toxic ex, you shouldn’t reignite a failed relationship.
They want to rub their new life in your face
Narcissists are notorious for flaunting their lives when everything is perfect with a new supply. If they wish to stay friends with you despite moving on with a new partner, it’s only to rub it in your face.
But remember, their new supply isn’t going to have it any better than you, even if your ex thinks they have met their soul mate.
To come across as civil
If you were married to a narcissist and if the two of you share children, they propose friendship to seem more civilized to the outside world.
No matter how parched your relationship with them is, they would want to remain friends to be in your children’s good book.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a clinical psychologist based in California. She is also the Professor Emerita of Psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, and the Founder and CEO of LUNA Education, Training & Consulting.
Her work and research focus the impact of narcissism and antagonistic personality styles on human relationships, mental health, and societal expectations, with a successful YouTube channel dedicated to the same, where she boats over 1.6 million subscribers.
