DEAR AMY: I have been dating “John” for three years now.
We are both widow/widower for over a decade.
John wants me to live with him his home, but he still has wedding portraits and lots of pictures of him with his late wife displayed around the house that he doesn’t plan on putting away.
I would be happy even if he chose a bedroom to dedicate to all his memories.
We talked a lot about marriage, but constant talk of his “wife” makes me feel like we should just live separately.
I have a deceased partner. I refer to my late husband frequently, too, but when we’re around lots of friends, I refer to him by his first name, and not as “my husband.”
I have been through the same things as John regarding losing a spouse, but I just want to live the rest of my life happily and move on.
Do you think I’m asking too much? I just need your insight.
— Ready for a Fresh Start
DEAR READY: If “John” wants you to move in with him, then the house wouldn’t be only his house, but your house, together.
This means that he should compromise regarding the decor.
Doing this is a physical expression of literally “making space” for you.
You are approaching this in a spirit of compromise; he is not.
John doesn’t sound ready to make space for you. Given the length of time that has passed since his wife’s death, I don’t think you should expect him to change.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
