Matchmaker Barbie Adler has revealed the major red flags you should look out for on a first date, including a controversial manipulation tactic known as love bombing.
In the world of relationships and dating, first dates are arguably the most important first step hopefuls need to take. There are tons of considerations to make from the location of the date to whether or not you intend to share a kiss. You even have to decide who is going to pay.
Watch out for these first-date red flags
Professional matchmaker Barbie Adler, who earlier told The Focus about the most desirable qualities men look for, had a lot to say about glaring warnings on a first date.
“Very simple, subtle gestures can tell you a lot about a person, and certain red flags might not always be immediately obvious,” she told us. “For that reason, it’s important to trust your gut when you are out on a first date, since our intuitions often pick up on signals that our conscious minds may not notice.”
The first red flag Barbie said to look out for was not respecting your boundaries, which she said works in direct opposition to what a healthy relationship is supposed to be. If you’re not feeling the respect that early on, chances are it won’t continue to develop as the relationship does.
She explained: “For example, if you are out at dinner and have planned not to drink alcohol, or to stop after a single drink, yet your date pressures you to have more, this indicates that they do not take your decisions seriously.”
“These behaviors are worrying indicators that your date does not see you as an independent person with your own values, desires, and boundaries, and no relationship can thrive if either partner fails to recognize this. On the other hand, if they behave with respect and accept your boundaries without question, this is a sign that they give due consideration to your needs, which is an extremely important quality in a potential partner,” Barbie added.
They dwell on past relationships
Of course, if your potential partner is fixated on a previous relationship, they might not be ready to move on to the next one.
“Also, if your date is bad-mouthing their exes and portraying them as villains who are entirely to blame for the breakup, this shows that they may have difficulty accepting personal responsibility for their own wrongs,” Barbie explained. “Relationships involve two people, and it’s good to be suspicious of especially one-sided stories.”
Continuing, Barbie said that you should also be aware of how many questions your date is asking. Not only does showing a genuine interest make the other person feel good, but it’s also the fastest way to progress your connection.
That isn’t to say a shy date is a pointless one, as Barbie explained: “Even if you do not click right away, it is clear when the other person is at least putting in some effort, and not putting in this effort is a major red flag. The occasional awkward silence is perfectly natural, and a person who navigates these moments with patience and poise is demonstrating a genuine interest in getting to know you.”
Last, but definitely not least, was the problematic act of love bombing, which is described as overloading your date with compliments as a way to garner favor. The term is often debated on TikTok alongside other phrases like seeding.
“There’s nothing inherently wrong with compliments, but someone who is constantly complimenting you on everything you do may be trying to create a sense of intimacy that is not yet earned, and may be trying to take things too fast,” Barbie said.
