DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away from COVID in 2021. A year later, after it was safe to socialize, I had a memorial dinner to commemorate him. Not one of my seven local siblings attended. They said, “That was for HIS family.” I didn’t argue or try to convince them that I needed them. It was terribly embarrassing when my friends and my husband’s friends kept asking to meet my siblings.
It’s been two years since the service and three years since his death, and I can’t get over feeling abandoned. Although I am cordial, I don’t rely on any of them. No one seems to notice my withdrawal -- at least they don’t discuss the change in my behavior with me. I suppose I need to “get over it,” but I can’t. -- SO DISAPPOINTED IN VIRGINIA
DEAR SO DISAPPOINTED: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. It must have been a terrible shock. Your siblings were either grossly insensitive or they may have disliked your husband. That they would avoid his memorial rather than attend and be supportive has to have been painful, and your reaction is understandable.
Healthy people don’t “get over” being abandoned in their time of need. I’m not suggesting that it’s OK to carry a grudge that would further isolate you, but stepping back seems to have been a wise and self-protective decision.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
