DEAR AMY: My father is serving a long term in prison for a violent crime he committed many years ago. He was hardly the model citizen or dad of the year before his incarceration.
I was a teenager when he was convicted and the whole thing consumed a lot of my childhood, but after he was gone, I hate to admit that my life improved a lot.
Although I think about him from time to time, I don’t miss him. Aside from two visits early on, I have not seen him or been in touch. Honestly, I don’t miss him.
I have a great husband and we have a 5-year-old son. So this is my son’s grandfather. My son has only asked a couple of times about his grandfather (I think he’s still trying to get family relationships straight).
I know I need to tell him something about my dad, but I don’t know how to do that.
Can you help get me started?
– Loving Mom
DEAR MOM: Make a choice to tell the truth, but do so in a way that is age-appropriate and simple. We parents tend to ramble and pile on too much detail when we’re nervous. Try not to do this.
You can say, “My Dad’s name is John. When I was a kid, my dad broke the law and hurt someone. He had to go to jail for doing that, and he is still in jail.”
Do not portray him as a scary person (you don’t want to scare your son).
Answer questions honestly, and if the answer is, “I don’t know,” you can say that.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
