Emotionally Distant Boyfriend Makes Me Anxious
DEAR ANNIE: I’ve been with my boyfriend, “Mike,” for five years, and we’ve lived together for three. I’ve noticed he’s been distant lately. I can’t quite put my finger on why; he says he has just been stressed about work.
He has also been spending more time on his phone. Last week, I saw messages pop up on his phone from a woman named “Sarah,” who I’ve never heard of before. I didn’t read them, but I can’t shake the feeling that something is off.
Mike and I have always been honest with each other, so this secrecy feels like a betrayal. I want to address it, but I don’t want to come off as accusatory or make him feel like I was snooping on his phone. I love him, but I just can’t escape the feeling that something is wrong. -- Anxious in Austin
DEAR ANXIOUS: Start by sharing your feelings without blaming him -- for instance, “I’ve been feeling a bit disconnected from you lately and it worries me.”
When it comes to Sarah, approach the topic gently. You could say something like, “I noticed a message from someone named Sarah. I haven’t heard about her before; can you tell me about her?” This opens the door for an explanation without jumping to conclusions.
If Mike is open and honest, it should help ease your mind. If he becomes defensive, it might be worth exploring further. Trust your instincts, but also give him the chance to explain. Open communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
