DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was a guest at a dinner party where the host had an overnight guest staying. I needed to wash my hands after petting their dog, because the dog had visibly dirtied them, so I used the nearest washroom. It was off the living area where everyone was mingling, and I had seen other guests using it.
While I was washing my hands, I heard the hostess rather loudly and passive-aggressively say to her overnight guest, “We need to train the others not to use your bathroom!”
I immediately felt like such an imposition for using the (apparently) wrong bathroom. We weren’t given any sort of tour of their home.
Should I not have assumed it was okay to use the nearest room, which other guests were using? Could the hostess have handled it differently? Please advise so I won’t use the wrong washroom in the future.
GENTLE READER: Well, the hostess could have lived with your innocent mistake without resorting to insult. She could also have proactively declared, “If anyone needs the restroom, it’s the first door down the hall to your left.”
Miss Manners always finds a direct approach beforehand, rather than a passive one afterward, not only polite, but effective.
In general, the most polite thing for you (and other guests) to do is to ask the location to the bathroom, even if you have seen one. No explanation of dog slobber necessary.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
