Children of narcissistic parents don’t have much say in the complicated relationship. They are conditioned and controlled throughout their upbringing, often causing emotional damage and mental health issues.
Having a narcissistic mother or father isn’t the same as growing up with absent or toxic parents. Just like the snarky remarks, you often receive in a romantic relationship with people with the said condition, you can spot a narcissistic mother with following traits.
8 signs of a narcissistic mother
Awareness is key to navigating narcissism. Unless you’re educated about the subject to spot the clues, breaking out of any interpersonal relationship with a narcissist is almost impossible – especially when they happen to be your parent.
The only way to deal with them is by becoming familiar with the complex personality style and working on yourself to undo the years of conditioning. Licensed therapist Kati Morton breaks 8 signs of a narcissistic mother you must be aware of
- Your mother sees you as an extension of her. She can’t imagine you as an individual with your own identity, or rather couldn’t accept it.
- She is extremely critical of you and others, but thin-skinned to criticism directed at her.
- She doesn’t feel sharing private information about you without your permission to others is a violation.
- She holds basic parental duties above your head as if you owe your life to her.
- Your mother doesn’t respect your boundaries. She’ll walk all over you and expect you to accept it.
- She gaslights you and convinces you that you’re remembering it all wrong.
- You can find her always competing with you, trying to one-up your achievements.
- She’s perpetually the victim and it’s your responsibility to always look out for her needs even if it’s detrimental to your well-being.
How to respond healthily
Things narcissists do can send you to the edge. As Kati notes, children with narcissistic mothers can grow up to be anxious, and perfectionists or end up with mental health conditions.
Although it is difficult to heal from years of trauma induced by the toxic relationship with your primary caregiver, it isn’t impossible. The therapist suggests “inner work”, which involves talking to the child within you as an adult, to help it grow and flourish.
More often than not, children of narcissistic parents have no choice but to deal with their parents even in adulthood. In that case, learn to set boundaries, stay calm during interactions as they feed on your reactions, never stop educating yourself about the mental condition, and have a strong support system to lean on – yes, you need it more than anything.
Kati Morton is a certified therapist and known speaker in the field of mental health. She holds a Master’s in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University. She’s appeared on renowned shows such as Dr. Phil, E! News, CBS The Doctors, and The Dr. Drew Show.
