DEAR AMY: My fiancé and I are getting married this summer. My fiancé “William” is in his mid-30′s. He has one brother, “Sam,” who is 25.
William has asked five friends to be groomsmen at the wedding – some are from childhood and some from college. He really wanted to have men with him who have been extremely important in his life.
He did not ask Sam to be in the wedding because he is significantly younger.
William and Sam have a good relationship and frankly, he didn’t think Sam would be bothered at all not to be asked.
Sam did not take it well. He has more or less stopped communicating with William and when William asked him why, Sam told him that his feelings are very hurt and that he doesn’t even want to attend the wedding now.
We’re not sure what to do at this point. We both think he is overreacting, but we don’t want to hurt his feelings.
Your thoughts?
– Engaged and Worried
DEAR ENGAGED: Your fiancé has one brother. He chose a handful of men to be groomsmen who have been “extremely important in his life.”
If he’d wanted to take a shortcut to make his brother feel like chopped liver – mission accomplished!
“Sam” might not be the primary male connection in “William’s” life (due to the 10-year age difference), but I guarantee that the elder brother is the primary male connection for the younger brother.
This exclusion hurts. You didn’t think it would bother Sam, but it does. He’s been honest about how hurt he is, and I think that your fiancé should apologize and offer him a place in the wedding.
This is not bending to emotional blackmail, but responding to his brother’s honesty.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
