DEAR AMY: My husband and I have an adult daughter who currently lives at home.
She has been dating “Tony” ever since they met in college. They’ve been together for almost six years and frankly, we all just love him.
We’ve welcomed Tony into our family with open arms, spending many holidays and weeks in the summer together. He and my husband have developed a really nice, close relationship.
Tony and our daughter seem like a really great couple and have been talking about moving in together. We’re honestly thrilled.
Two weeks ago, Tony lowered the boom. He had cheated on our daughter. He begged for her forgiveness. After a dramatic few days, she agreed to stay with him, and then he broke up with her!
Honestly, I feel quite heartbroken. I feel deceived by his dishonesty and I’m so incredibly disappointed in his lack of integrity.
I’m having a hard time reining in my emotions. When I expressed some of these feelings to our daughter, she got mad at me!
I’m considering contacting Tony to give him a piece of my mind. Should I?
And how should I react to this at home?
– Upset and Furious
DEAR UPSET: You should react to this by behaving like those wise mothers in the movies and keeping your feelings – and your thoughts – to yourself.
Your daughter’s emotional bandwidth is stretched thin. Your honest reaction might cause her to actually feel defensive about “Tony.”
You should concentrate on your daughter and react only to her. If she wants comfort, give her that. If she wants to vent, let her do that without piling on. Assure her that she can recover from this, and that you and her dad are forever in her corner, no matter what.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
