DEAR ABBY: My sister “Maggie” has turned into one of those “crazy cat ladies.” We have been encouraging her to move into assisted living, but she says she’d rather be dead than give up her cats. When we visit her, we bring along air freshener. Maggie has gone nose-blind to the smell and argues her house does not stink. My wife will not walk in until after I have sprayed the house.
Among Maggie’s other issues: Her children have abandoned her. We had to hire people to help her out because no one in her son’s family would take the job. When my mother got sick, my wife and I stepped up and gave her 24/7 care. Taking care of my sister was not part of my retirement plan. Her retired son and his family are not doing their part and this has caused a rift between us. Please advise. -- ABOVE & BEYOND IN THE SOUTH
DEAR A & B: What a caring and responsible brother you are. If there are no alternatives, it appears you may be taking care of Maggie until her passing. That her son has shirked his responsibility is disgraceful. (It may also be elder abuse.)
Your sister may be unaware of the fact that some assisted living places DO allow residents to have pets. Maggie might be more amenable to moving if you can help her find one. However, if that isn’t feasible, consider discussing this with an attorney as well as adult protective services.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
